Saturday, January 28, 2012

What now, 2012?

Welcome to 2012! It's that glorious time of year when I get to start fresh, wipe the slate clean, and set intentions for....well, frankly, all of the things I intended to do, but didn't, last year. Sigh. Last January, I spent hours tuning into my heart's (and soul's) desires and made the most beautiful Vision Board that, frankly, I have ever seen. I meditated on each area of my life, from business to Spirit, and from my relationship with my husband to my relationship with this beautiful Blue Planet. Even now, I admire the accomplishment.

And even now, I'm anguishing over the "un-achievements." Sure, there were things I did do, just as planned (though I must admit that many were "calendar-inspired," as in just completed in the waning days of December). However, their number is paltry compared to the number of things I did not do. I reviewed my intentions throughout the year, so it's not like I just forgot about them. I faithfully copied them from planner page to planner page, always holding a place for them in my heart.  And that's where most of them seem to have died. Wah.  What's the point of all this goal planning if I'm not going to follow through????

Indeed, the process of the 2011 review process was so painful, in fact, that it has taken me all of these 28 days of 2012 to come to terms. What I’ve come three main realizations:

1. The best fertilizer for growing something beautiful is crap,

2. 2011 provided ample fertilizer,

3. and what I intended in 2011 ~ and “failed” to complete ~ is starting to show up, in very tenuous but concrete ways, in this first month of 2012.

Why is it starting to break loose now? Is it because of the flip of the calendar page? Because I continuously held them in my heart? Because of the momentum of the last-minute ‘get-it-dones’ of December? Because of the self-work I did in 2011? Because it’s a year of transformation? Bcause of ALL OF IT???

IDK. I do know that I get to release the idea that divinely-inspired intentions should manifest within a calendar year. I know that the goals and intentions I’ve set are timeless, boundless. And that I’m grateful to sense Movement and Manifestation. And the more I gratitude I feel and express, the more I realize and receive. And so…

Thank you, 2012. Thank you, me. Thank you, ME.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Does this Blog Matter?

I seem to be taking a break from blogging.  I didn't intend it; I didn't intentionally stop posting one day.  I still write daily or almost daily....I just found myself reluctant to post... wondering if what I write is really intended to be posted out on the world wide web.  I had thought I was blogging to make connections, expand my world, share my experiences with peeps who might also be wondering, "is anybody else feeling this"?

And yet, by all appearances, my only devoted readers are members of my family, those beloveds whom I could, just as easily, email my thoughts to them separately.  Is my desire to blog, to post Big Thoughts out into the World, really an egoic attachment to being recognized for my self-proclaimed brilliance?  I have to wonder.   Does this blog matter to anyone but me?