And even now, I'm anguishing over the "un-achievements." Sure, there were things I did do, just as planned (though I must admit that many were "calendar-inspired," as in just completed in the waning days of December). However, their number is paltry compared to the number of things I did not do. I reviewed my intentions throughout the year, so it's not like I just forgot about them. I faithfully copied them from planner page to planner page, always holding a place for them in my heart. And that's where most of them seem to have died. Wah. What's the point of all this goal planning if I'm not going to follow through????
Indeed, the process of the 2011 review process was so painful, in fact, that it has taken me all of these 28 days of 2012 to come to terms. What I’ve come three main realizations:
1. The best fertilizer for growing something beautiful is crap,
2. 2011 provided ample fertilizer,
3. and what I intended in 2011 ~ and “failed” to complete ~ is starting to show up, in very tenuous but concrete ways, in this first month of 2012.
Why is it starting to break loose now? Is it because of the flip of the calendar page? Because I continuously held them in my heart? Because of the momentum of the last-minute ‘get-it-dones’ of December? Because of the self-work I did in 2011? Because it’s a year of transformation? Bcause of ALL OF IT???
IDK. I do know that I get to release the idea that divinely-inspired intentions should manifest within a calendar year. I know that the goals and intentions I’ve set are timeless, boundless. And that I’m grateful to sense Movement and Manifestation. And the more I gratitude I feel and express, the more I realize and receive. And so…
Thank you, 2012. Thank you, me. Thank you, ME.